Contrary to popular belief I was not put on this Earth to get along with everyone. When you actually look at it numerically it is statistically improbable that a single person is going to like everyone they meet in their lifetime. I am sick of people who have 1000 plus Facebook friends and who get 500 likes on a picture they have taken of themselves and their pet. Get real people! There is no way that you have that many friends! Not only is it unbelievable that not one single person of one thousand annoys you, but it is inconceivable! You can’t tell me that you are actually friends with all of those people. If you have a party I had better see the longest guest list EVER!
Seriously, I am a firm believer that life is too short (yeah yeah, it is actually the longest thing a human being will ever do but you get my point) to pretend to get along with people that drive you insane. What is the point!?
It has got me thinking about my own friends (or lack thereof) and why I am still friends with them. Surely they must have individual qualities that make them worth my time… Surely… So I have compiled a list of the different types of friends that exist out there. Trust me, you will be able to put names to allllll of these
Different types of friends list:
The Serial Excuser - Lists three excuses of why they can’t make it when one would have sufficed.
The Telecom Freak – Who thinks the phone only works one way….
The IQ Illiterate – That friend who still doesn’t “get” that the blonde jokes are about them.
The Mouth – The friend who thinks they are smart but just says dumb shit. All. The. Time.
The Attention Whore - Everything that has happened in the history of the World ever has personally affected them.
The Long Distance – The best type, can go for months not talking and come back to exactly where you left off. Effortless!
The Stalker - Needs your attention and time EVERY SINGLE SECOND OF EVERY DAY.
The Suck-hole – Will bitch and moan about you to others but is happy as Larry to be your friend when you’re around.
The Alcho – Will be anyone’s friend.
The Serial Promisor – Always saying that you will catch up but never does and never shows up to places they have been invited.
The ‘Who Else is Going?’ – Is not satisfied knowing that you will be at the party but has to know the entire guest list to suss out their options.
The Paranoid – The friend who will read this post and think you are trying to tell them something, because EVERYTHING is about them.
The Bathroomer – That person that feels the need to have Deep and Meaningfuls ABOUT NOTHING!
The Talker – A common misconception is that people actually think I care about their day. A talker will talk about anything just to fill in the silence.
The Mouse – Will only ever talk to you when they are drunk.
The After-Thought – They only get invited because they are friends with your friend.
Having friends is definitely draining but honestly, where would we be without them? I’m just saying that we need to really think about why we are friends with certain people and cull away at our Facebook friends lists! Let be realistic people! I am not here to entertain everyone, entertain me once in a while for f$@k’s sake! ! Cheers, Robbie Williams for that delightful song